It's been too long! I’m so sorry. I moved out to Denver on 10/28 in my effort to rediscover what happiness is (for me personally). I’ve been working hard at making my life what I want it to be. It’s a conversation I need to have with myself every day. And you know what? I think it’s been going well. Knock on wood but there have been no nights of unshakable loneliness, tears, or heave cries. I’ll call it a win. Now, I’ve only been here for like 18 days but fuck haterz.
My biggest fears when I made the move werethat I would have no one, I would isolate myself, or no one would like me. Sometimes that fear inspires you to prove yourself wrong. Challenging yourself allows for great opportunity to grow and learn. In my first two weeks I have only stayed home 5 nights total alone, and it wasn’t because I didn’t have the choice. In my first week I had happy hour with my new coworkers—including tequila shots—, I ended up at a rave somehow completely sober, and I met like 7 new friends. In week two I hosted a BYOF party (Bring your own friend) and like 25 people showed up! WHAT?! Sometimes we don’t want to branch out and throw the party, or invite new people in because we are scared of rejection or awkward moments. JUST FUCKING DO IT! No one makes friends or combats loneliness from the couch under a blanket.
I got a message from a friend the first week I moved asking if she should take the leap. I didn’t even have to think about it. If you’ve ever thought about the experience of going somewhere new, I can’t recommend it enough. My mom used to say something to me that I think about every day: “Smile, it’s only temporary”. She’d say it when something wonderful was happening, and when something shitty was happening. Nothing in this life is permanent. It might last a long time, or feel like it’s permanent but at the end of the day it’s not. We have this wonderful ability to pick up our lives and go somewhere new. It’s all only temporary, and if you hate it, you can pick up and do it again. (Just purge your closet and your shoes before you do it again. Moving sucks balls)
So what does this have to do with falling in love again? Look, I came here to be a better version of myself. As cheesy as “rediscovering” sounds it’s absolutely true. I put a lot of distance between me and my baggage. Physical mileage from the person that hurt me. I don’t even know if he knows where I went, and it feels so fucking great. Initially I thought it was running away, like a coward. I was of course wrong. Going for the space has allowed me to adjust my course. I’ve been creating relationships with people as a single woman which is drastically different than establishing relationships with a partner. The only person that defines me now is me. I can talk about me, my interests, my dreams. Maybe it’s selfish but it’s been so refreshing not having to talk about another person as part of me. When you start dating someone you never shut the hell up about them, you love telling people about them, and it’s totally okay.
I’m over here in love with my life. I have never felt more connected to my goals, and sense of being. I love talking about my cute house, my garden, my dogs, my —still horrible—tinder dates, my career, live music, all of these things that I enjoy. Here I don’t have to be grief stricken, lonely, or reminded that I’m a divorced 25 year old. I’m so in love with where life is going and my light is shining brighter than I ever thought imaginable. If you have ever thought of putting the physical space between you and your grief, take it into serious consideration. Its empowering, and you deserve that.
P.S Shoutout to my amazing friends that made this happen for me. I couldn’t have done it without all of you. Thank you for helping me rediscover my freedom and happiness.