Statement of Intent

Yesterday I decided to write a blog. And by yesterday, I mean a few weeks ago and I finally had a whiskey or two and sat down to start it. It’s a blog about what life can be like when shit hits the fan and you decide to create a life in which you love, appreciate, and treat yourself every day…because you’re worth it.

I’m not a writer, I’ve never been good at writing. But, sometimes ya girl needs an outlet, and this is how I’m going to do it. My urge to do this has gotten stronger in the past month because I’m finally getting rid of the last pieces of a person that made me whole. This isn’t going to be a blog about what he did, though there will be some background about how I got to where I am. In which I will probably drop some horrible words, I’ll be brutally honest, and there will most likely be mention of my sex life…sorry Dad and anyone that ever knew me as a child.

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In the past month I have changed my passwords from “name of ex partnersmells2017” I have taken down wedding photos of my family that I didn’t want to let go of because let’s face it I looked so damn good. I’ve stopped thinking about him when I wake up every morning. I’ve stopped wondering how his life has changed, and if we will ever cross paths again. Most importantly I’ve stopped wondering if I will be okay without him.

Those all seem like natural things to do when you go through this, but if anything has held true it’s that you need time. All that weird shit that you can’t believe you’re doing…you’ll eventually stop doing. 

So, if you’re reading this and you don’t know me, or you know me but don’t know what happened, here’s an abridged version. I fell in love with someone who consistently lied to me from the beginning. Who’s desire to please themselves was stronger than anything else. (that’s my opinion sure) I got married in September to someone I thought was the love of my life and in December the proverbial shit hit the fan. I was faced with the decision to A.) stay with someone that had never told me the truth, or B.) to move on with dignity and pick myself up. Guess which one I chose. It was option B, duh.

It’s been about seven months since I made that decision and it has been one hell of a ride. I guess the point of this whole blog thing is to share with people what it’s like. I’ve found the most comfort in that. it sounds horribly corny but it’s shocking to have people tell me on a weekly basis that they love seeing how my journey is going, that I’m an “inspiration” (literally no shit people tell me that) this inspiration is a real shit show but it will always be as raw and as real as it gets coming from me.

Here’s my statement of intent. In this blog I will share the parts of this experience that everyone should know, because someday someone you love will fuck you over. They won’t always do it intentionally, sometimes they’re selfish. Sometimes, there won’t be an excuse for it. Either way, you have the option to pick yourself up every day, love yourself and share your bright ass light with the world. So let’s get to it.