When you go through tragedy there is always this “woe is me” vibe. You’re all alone with no friend in the world and no one will ever know how you feel. You lay in your bed and cry because crying is so therapeutic. Okay, but you think that and it’s not true. Guess what, I’m not the only person I know who’s partner has been unfaithful. As we have learned from my previous post, there are so many people out there that can empathize and sympathize. Yeah, they’ve maybe not been cheated on by their spouse with countless other people, but one person is trauma enough too. When you share what’s going on in your world candidly you’ll find an opportunity to build and grow with support.
Now let’s reference someone. We will call her A. A and I went to high school together. Weren’t crazy good friends, but enough to where we follow each other on social media now. It’s been 7 years since I graduated high school…Woah that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud. A saw my post on Facebook announcing that my partner was a big fat cheater. And she reached out because she is a good person. She’s a genuine human that was hurt by a shitty human. Her husband—they’re still married—was unfaithful while overseas. She stayed true to the person she loved only to be hurt and disappointed. She had the courage to reach out and tell me she was hurting and just how he hurt her.
It’s funny because as I look back at my Facebook conversations with A, our first message was in 2012 when she asked me about my long-distance relationship. I was still dating my high school sweetheart—great guy, no complaints we are friends. I won’t write my next blog about him. She was dating her High School Boyfriend as well and asked how often we text or call. So maybe we have always just been tied together by dysfunctional relationships.
Anyways, In the past 7 months A and I have shared some of the toughest moments together. When something traumatic happens—I see him in public, he texts me drunk, I don’t know if I should talk to him—She’s there. I got my wedding photos and remember telling her “I’M GOING TO POST THEM ONLINE, FUCK THIS”. I will post some in a blog, because honestly someone has to see them. She simply empowered me, told me I looked stunning. She gave me a book recommendation that changed my life. I try to be there too when her husband blasts social with posts of his new lady friend, when his lady friend takes mirror pics in thier home, when she feels the pain of being alone, when he tells her he stopped loving her. We have built a support system just us two divorced 20 somethings. We joke at our first high school reunion that we’ll wear matching divorcee jackets. (It’s not a joke though I will make that happen)
Being open and vulnerable isn’t easy. Finding common ground is a beautiful thing, even if it’s based on tragedy. Talking about it is healthy. Sometimes your immediate friends just don’t understand and they say the wrong thing, like “I don’t know why you’re even stalking him on Facebook anymore”….Well because he fucked up my life and it’s hard to let go. Why don’t we just talk about how I suck at moving on…Anyways, there are people that will understand your pain, or parts of it. They won’t judge that you looked at his Facebook and got upset that he has a girlfriend. They’ve done it too. They have felt that pain. Being vulnerable allows us to take that next step forward and heal. They know that every day is baby steps towards a new life.
And if you’re wondering how A is doing, she is crushing it. Traveling, applying for law schools, spending time with her beautiful family, and deciding where life will take her next. A is a warrior. She has felt some pain you guys. She still is feeling pain we both are, but I’m so thankful we have each other and together we can let that bright ass light of ours shine.