FRIENDING THE OPPOSITION

 

Guess what this one is about? Ultimately, it’s women supporting women. And it’s a beautiful thing. One thing I was thankful for during this process was people’s honesty. It’s suprising how candid people will be. You see, my partner didn’t just lie to me, he lied to countless other human beings about our relationship status…Women mostly. There would always be mention of an open relationship in every story I have been told. He was careful to tell people who had never met me. I choose to believe that he kept them far from me because any person that has met the two of us together would know that we weren’t in an open relationship, that I’m a boss bitch lady that doesn’t take shit…right? Totally.

Because I love oversharing, here’s some screenshots. Ya can’t make it up folks.

Keep in mind at this point in the narrative I was thinking my partner was telling me the whole truth about just cheating with 4 people. Enter that "I'm going to throw up" feeling again. The women I connected with were brutally honest, as they should have been. I found them all because they were blocked on MY SOCIAL MEDIA. WHAAAATTT????? Back up, you mean your partner was logging into your social media and blocking women he tried to proposition or successfully propositioned? Uh, yup. I didn’t know that was a thing, bet you didn’t either. Real talk, that’s so fucking twisted—In my opinion, I guess it’s all subjective, you can decide for yourself. When I found out it was honestly the MOST upsetting. I’m actually shaking typing this. It still gets me.

I was candid with the women I reached out to. I sent them our wedding photos, asked them if they knew him. And after about 4-5 stories I was done hearing the same thing over and over again. I can’t thank the women I talked to enough. Their honesty was the reality check reminder that I needed. No, you can’t go back. Look at what else he did. Look how he lied. Look how many times he lied.

Let’s take a second to also mention that most of these women were stunningly beautiful. It took a toll on my own self esteem. Maybe he cheated because I don’t look like any of them, I’m not as thin, I don’t wear a two-piece swimsuit—literally thought that, how stupid. A week into it I was realizing how many women were a part of this narrative and I was drowning in my own self-image at that point. I shouldn’t have been, because I’m a ten. I refuse to treat myself like anything less now. You shouldn’t either. If you don’t treat yourself like a ten you won’t be one.

One woman in particular gave me hope. We continue to be connected because women should support women. We are just going to call her she, her etc. While yes, I think she was naive for blindly accepting someone’s narrative, I still feel her pain in being lied to by someone you love. Yes, LOVE. My partner wasn’t just being unfaithful, he was in love. I don’t know with how many others but I know for sure she and him were in love, actively dating. I knew they were friends, sometimes I would get jealous, or uncomfortable but I’m not insecure. Also, I never knew they spent time together alone. So, there was that. Little did I know she came over to our place, he went there etc. I guess I missed those red flags. Also some people are great at lies.

When she found out she had an inkling that she should tell me. But he told her I was emotionally unstable, that my mom died and my family was far away. He made her feel like if she told me, it would ruin my everything. The only happiness in my life. Isn't it funny how we can accept someone else's narrative so easy?  Try not to be naive in your dealings with others. It is okay to question if the reality they are presenting is ACTUAL REALITY. Because while yes my family was far and my mom died and it was sad, that man didn't support me, he was ruining what we built together one lie at a time. He wasn't keeping me emotionally stable, he was gas lighting and manipulating me. 

She and I met for coffee about a week after I found out. At first, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say. I was calm, I wasn’t going to scream or anything. (Some people are actively picturing me pouring hot coffee on someone right now I bet). I knew I had to dress like a fucking babe, wear the tallest heals, and get my shit together. I even posted a picture of myself that day with the caption “While you were chasing girls I was busy being a woman” how’s that for boss bitch? Walked into the coffee shop and there she was. I already knew what she looked like, I knew who she was even though we had never met. Let’s not discount the COURAGE this person had to face a fear and admit that she had done something wrong. Thank you…seriously. While at the time she was accepting a one-sided narrative that made her feel good eventually they ended their relationship when she realized we were indeed not in an open one. Which is a dramatic story in itself, another red flag I missed. She had the strength to also leave someone that disrespected her. Not everyone has that courage. We discussed the fact that everyone should probably go take an STD Test—I went to urgent care.

Here’s how that discussion went:

Doctor “You know you can make an appointment for this?”

Me “Oh for sure, but I don’t actually know how many people my husband fucked but it was for sure this many.”

Doctor “Oh….yeah let’s do this right now.”

Pro-Tip, your partner and you should get regularly checked for Sexually Transmitted Diseases/ Infections. If either party refuses…red flag.  K?

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Anyways, back to me and the opposition. She and I sat face to face discussing our pains, our fears, what had happened and how we allowed a man to define the past months and in my case years of our lives. If I can do this, world peace is fucking achievable.We cried, we laughed a little, and I left feeling hopeful that not all human beings suck. I think deep down no one wants to accept that there are people that lie, cheat and steal. We all want to give people the benefit of the doubt. But, when it happens, you have choices. Be honest, and support people that are hurting. So, this one is for her, she’s kicking ass because she faced reality had courage to let her bright ass light shine.